Battle of the Schools
The debate to end all debates: would your school survive a zombie apocalypse?
That’s the question seven HASS academics found themselves facing on a standard Tuesday evening.
Then again, this wasn’t like most events.
How often do you see your lecturers and tutors devising countless strategies to overcome an impending fake zombie apocalypse?
The answer? Not so often.
As the room gradually filled with students and staff alike...
...excitedly chatting, delivering a much needed study break from mid-semester exams, the silence began to sink in as the debate question appeared around a mixture of zombie-like clip-art.
(Images above by Neonbrand and Jack Michaud on Unsplash)
One by one, the competitors were introduced.
Would Historical and Philosophical Inquiry conquer all and reclaim their 2017 title?
Or would another school triumph under the five-minute time limit?
To kick things off, Associate Professor Jonathan Prangnell, representing the Social Sciences delivered a stirring and equally hilarious account of why and how the anthropologists would survive.
Drawing upon the Hollywood examples of Indiana Jones and the extensive weaponry readily available from the Anthropology Museum, Professor Prangnell did his school proud gathering an abundance of laughs that would be remembered later into the evening.
Next up, Dr Daniel Angus, representing Communication and Arts, presented what would be the journalists’ ultimate safeguard - being located on the top floor of the Michie Building.
The analogy, inferring the height would favour the loss of the six other schools first, drew an extended applause from the audience.
While it seemed much of the argument lay on the access to filming equipment and the development of new technologies to end all threats, the argument drew favourable responses from the audience.
In taking a different approach altogether and delivering a stretch break for the audience, Dr Simone Smala, representing the School of Education, lead an amusing demonstration grouping students and academics into groups of three.
The events that followed were unprecedented. In the groups, members were required to lean on each other, make strange shapes, and even stand on one foot, with the support of one another (thankfully!).
The catch?
Dr Smala insisted teachers would overwhelmingly survive the apocalypse due to their ability to direct movement, break people into groups and order students (or in this case zombies) around.
Taking the mic next, Professor Matt McDonald, representing Political Science and International Studies, took the more traditional route with no shortage of friendly jabs directed at the other competitors.
In arguing the school's extensive knowledge of strategic arms racing and the international world order, Professor McDonald pushed for the global scale of the apocalypse in order to stress knowledge of the international system would be essential.
Following suit, Dr Simon Perry, representing Music, demonstrated a compelling argument even calling into action a “top secret”document.
What was it?
Audience members would endure a five-minute wait to find out.
In the meantime, listeners were granted a detailed account of how the music school would lure the zombies to their place of choosing by using the classics.
Accompanying Dr Perry were two secret scrolls, containing the already devised Zombie luring music sheet.
Greeted with a round of applause, it was clear Dr Perry and music in general were determined to survive.
Up next were the defending champions, Historical and Philosophical Inquiry fronted by Dr Karin Sellberg.
In referencing the school's prior knowledge and experience dealing with plagues and Black Death, as taught in the first year course HIST 1400 The Medieval and Early Modern World, it seemed the historians and philosophers were to take a more pensive approach.
Yet, it would seem the school would eventually take the tactic of joining the zombies reasoning:
‘when does a person stop being human and start being a zombie…?’
The final competitor for the evening, Dr Kari Sullivan from languages and culture, presented a thorough briefing of a phonetic understanding of zombie cries.
Noting the cultural variance of zombie groups, Dr Sullivan emphasised the school’s extensive knowledge of this would be to their advantage.
The audience briefly waited for the results as they voted on their phones for the academic they believed put forth the best argument.
(image above left: Okamatsu Fujikawa on Unsplash)
The winner?
The School of Music!
As a busy student I so rarely find the time to have a break, let alone alongside fellow teachers, mentors and friends.
The Battle of the Schools Debate provided a fresh, casual atmosphere, essentially breaking down these traditional student-teacher relationships and fostering one of shared interests and mutual participation.
